The recent discovery of a whole school of zombies under the industrial building has not only caused alarm but brought up a zombie support group.

These zombies were mutant creations from the science and allied health department where they used students to do medical experiments. “I just came in to find out where the library was,” said Ralph Alnigh. “and all of the sudden I’m strapped to a table and want to eat brains.”

They were put under the industrial building during the day but let out at night so they could attend classes.

“We just want to be recognized as students and not as second-class citizens,” said Joe Slow Walker, zombie gang leader.

According to several zombies, they have been through traumatic experiences and just need professionals to talk to, but due to the stereotypes of zombies, they can’t. “I’m scared of the dark. I know that zombies aren’t supposed to be, but I’m tired of trying to live up to society’s expectations,” said Slow Walker.

This is why the allied health, in association with public safety, started a support group for them.

“They just want to feel like a part of the student body, and we want to help them do that,” said Courtney Love, nursing professor.

“It is kind of our fault that they are this way.”

The zombies are now going to be let out during the day instead of at night, so that they can have more opportunities to attend better classes.

“I just really want to get my AA degree and move on,” said Slow Walker. “I would also really like a tan; I feel kind of pasty. Pasty and cold.”

They just want to lead as normal as possible lives and just go to college. That is what this support group is for, and they are ready for that chance. Zombie students should drag their corpses to the Student Services building to find more information about the support group.

Artificial brains and punch will be served at group meetings. Please call the zombie hotline to RSVP.