Working in the United States government is serious business.
However, former U.S. Sen. Alan Simpson has discovered a way to mix humor with government.
Simpson, R-Wyo. has stood out as both a no-nonsense participant in the U.S. Armed Forces and a gifted student of law, although maybe not at the top of his class.
“At no point in my academic career did I ever graduate cum laude,” he said during the Bakersfield Business Conference. “I graduated thank the laude.”
The Cody, Wyo., native said that once when he was walking around his home town, a gentleman approached him.
“Anybody ever tell you that you look kind of like Al Simpson?” the man asked. “I said, ‘Yeah they do,’ and he said, ‘Makes you kind of mad, don’t it?’ ”
According to Simpson, the state of the world today has become stressful and frustrating for some people in this country.
Television and sitcoms are still an issue when it comes to making the connection between common knowledge and fantasy, he said. Consequently, declining morals and values may begin to set in.
“Now you get to come home from school and watch the soaps, consisting of the horniest people in America,” he said, “… and sitcoms, by the metric ton, portraying the dumbest parents and the most smartass kids raining sarcasm.”
Like the entertainment industry, the media has also become swayed by the lure of monetary gains.
“The media is not interested in clarity, they’re interested in conflict, confusion and controversies. They are not interested in clarity, that is not how they make their bucks. They are all in it to make profits,” he said. “The First Amendment belongs to you and me and not corporate structures.”
Complicating today’s world is that many people, especially young people, pursue perfection, Simpson said.
“To the young people out there who seek perfection, give it up,” he said. “All you’ll get is gas, ulcers, heartburn and BO so forget it.”
Simpson said the reason he finally left Congress was due to the increasing demands from fund-raising groups to support their agendas.
“I could tell it was time to move on in politics,” he said. “I think it was a town meeting in Laramie and I got up and said, ‘Two terms for you guys, one in Congress and one in prison.’ ”
Before he left Washington, he said he bought some bovine bag balm for his desk.
“If America becomes a milk cow with 280 million tits, we’ll need all the bag balm we can get,” he said as the crowd roared with laughter.