“This place was flatter than Phyllis Diller’s chest,” comedian Alan King said of Bakersfield during his presentation at the conference.

Alan King gave his comedic take on the California recall in the media tent Saturday at the Bakersfield Business Conference.

“I think it’s a cartoon. It’s a field day for Jay Leno and it took a lot of the steam out of Larry King,” the comedian said.

“I know Arnold Schwarzenegger. He’s a very nice guy, but my Uncle Saul is a very nice guy and he shouldn’t be president or governing, either.”

He then went on to the main tent where he entertained the crowd.

King began by making fun of Bakersfield.

“The driver said as we were coming, he said, ‘There’s the Bakersfield skyline’ and we were already downtown. This place was flatter than Phyllis Diller’s chest.”

He went on to say Bakersfield looks like Paris compared to French Lake, Ind., where he shot a film once.

King, who also is an author, actor, producer and TV personality, shared his views on aging.

“You know when you’re getting old, it’s when people tell you how good you look. They never tell young people, ‘You look good.’

“Out on the lawn, someone said to me, ‘Alan King, you never change,’ and I realized he had double cataracts and was talking to the tent.”

King complained about doctors telling him to control his diet.

“There’s no food made that I can eat. Nothing,” he said. “I can’t have red meat. I can’t have dairy products. I can’t have coffee. I can’t have sugar.”

King recalled a conversation he had with his mentor, George Burns, on Burns’ 90th birthday. King said he asked Burns, “How’s your sex life?”

Burns replied, “It’s like shooting pool with a rope,” according to King.

He joked about how he quit smoking.

“I stopped smoking about eight years ago. I don’t miss it,” King said. “It’s like reformed drunks, nobody should drink. I don’t miss the cigars, but I walk behind buses every once in a while. Good healing.”

King said that he has been married for 56 years. The crowd applauded.

“Why do you applaud? You don’t know what the hell the 56 years have been like,” he said.

He concluded by repeating what he said is one of the wisest things he has ever heard.

“You should work as if you don’t take the money. You should love as if you have never been hurt and you should dance like nobody’s watching.”