Let’s get away from the super-serious topics and have some fun with this. Discovering your sexuality can be scary, but it can also be super fun. I should’ve started by saying that some topics discussed in this will be for mature audiences.
Do not worry, I will not go into detail about certain things, but it needs to be discussed. Discovering your sexuality comes with self-exploration. You must know your body and know what it wants because, let us be honest, your thoughts do not always tell the truth.
Going back to when I discussed my friends liking all these boys in school. What I did not admit to was that I had a crush on a boy as well or so I thought. I would hang out with him every day, we would talk for hours, and we even admitted to liking each other. Of course, we started dating but we were still young, so it was holding hands and walking around the track together during our breaks.
One day, there was a girl who had just transferred to the school and, wow, my younger self was so infatuated with her. My first instinct was to become friends with her, so naturally, I did. Somewhere in between, the boy and I broke up. Breakups at that age just meant we stopped hanging out.
The girl and I became best friends up until high school. That is when things started to get a little complicated. I started to develop real feelings for her, but of course, she had a boyfriend. Great. Being her best friend, I heard about everything they did together, ever fight, every laugh, everything.
Although she was not doing it intentionally, she kept breaking my heart repeatedly. Until one night she came over to my house and told me they broke up. I was there to comfort her, but as bad as this may sound, I was so happy. We just talked and talked until the conversation started to get more serious. One thing leads to another and she kissed me.
I felt like I was in a different world. Although she was not my first kiss, it was my first kiss with a girl. You can probably guess what happened next without me going into detail. Yeah, nothing happened, she stopped the kiss and we both looked at each other without saying anything and just continued with the night as nothing happened.
I just could not get the kiss out of my head and it made me realize just how attracted to women that I was. She was my ultimate fantasy. It took us about a week until we finally talked about it. She was not ready for a relationship, since she just got out of one, and she was not even sure if she liked girls. We both decided that we would just have fun with whatever we had between us.
I guess, to put a label on it, we decided to be friends with benefits. Throughout our “relationship,” I slowly started to lose any attraction that I had for men. I will never forget the feeling of being so happy to be with my first girl.
I was not living with my conservative family at the time, but I still felt worried because my guardian at the time was homophobic. I was scared at times, but it was fun. I know this is not true for everyone but discovering your sexuality should be about realizing what your mind and body desire. Every kiss and every touch from whichever gender you are attracted to should feel like fireworks.
My point is just having fun with it, whether it be self-exploration or finding a partner, just never stop yourself from feeling your true emotions. Going back to the boy I “dated,” he ended up coming out as gay around the same time I did.