When I originally came up with an idea to do a dating column, I never knew it would turn into what I am doing now. At the time I just thought it was a funny subject to talk about with your friends, but now I see it as a spectrum. A spectrum of a complex and confusing part of our lives.
There are highs, and there are lows. This week we will talk about the lows, and ways to help. Maybe you can help yourself or a friend.
This is the Bakersfield College school newspaper, so mostly everyone reading this is young. If you are not maybe you have seen or heard of similarities and differences about this dating subject, but anyway most of us here are young. Maybe we are more naive since we tend to trust strangers more because, I mean, we are in college, and making new friends is a close option.
Maybe we want to make some friends, but we must remind ourselves not everyone is a good person. What I mean by this is set your boundaries. Do not settle for less than you deserve, make the right decisions, and do not let people waste your time or take advantage of you.
No, I did not just go through a breakup. I have been single for two years remember; coaches don’t play the game. I am simply here to educate you about a recent thing that has come across my fellow friends who are Bakersfield College students, and myself. It’s called Love-Bombing.
Love-Bombing is the practice of showering a person with excessive affection and attention to gain control or significantly influence their behavior. The love bomber’s attention might feel good, but the motive is all about manipulation. That took a wild turn I know but let us rip the band-aid off here.
People who love-bomb want to win your heart right away, and they are so smooth with it! Your first thought is probably “Wow this person is so nice and respectful? Is this how I am supposed to be treated?” Yes and no. The answer is yes you are supposed to be treated with love and respect, but not being showered with gifts right away at least. For example, Bakersfield College student Sophia Gonzalez met someone online, and he proceeded to message her and ask her out on a date.
He did everything right in the books. Opened every door for her, bought her gifts, paid for dinner, he took her on a walk to the beach, and they hung out all night and day. That went on for a couple of days.
You hit it off with someone and discover an instant connection, so you want to be with them all the time, right? Wrong, do not do it, take things slowly but we live and learn. Anyway, he ended up ghosting her for five days after he committed to taking her out again.
When he finally responded to Sophia he begged, apologized, promised her the next time they would see each other he would buy her anything she wanted. He even asked her to go to Aspen with him for the weekend after knowing her for just a few days. Sophia proceeded to let him know she wants to part ways, but he didn’t take no for an answer, we will just leave it off there.
The point is, keep things casual when you meet people at first, especially if you just met somebody online for the first time. One thing can lead to another and you can end up in a dangerous situation.