Julia Jones, played by Alyson Hannigan (from the “American Pie” trilogy), is desperate to fall in love and have a “Dynamite,” “Big Fat Greek Wedding,” but first she needs an “Extreme Makeover,” with the help from “Hitch,” the love doctor, to make “The Bachelor” of her dreams fall in love with her.
OK, that’s enough of that.
“Date Movie” is a spoof on classic, romance comedies, as well as a few reality shows, from two of the six writers of “Scary Movie” – Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg.
The movie follows Julia as she gets a beauty makeover, combining the reality shows “Pimp My Ride” and “Extreme Makeover.”
After her makeover, Julia is a contestant on “The Bachelor,” where she meets her prince charming Grant Funkyerdoder, played by Adam Campbell. The two get engaged and have to “Meet the Parents.”
Much like the original, Grant has one disaster after another while meeting Frank and Linda Jones, including a crude encounter with the family’s cat, Jinxers, and the “remains” of Frank’s mother.
Later, Julia is introduced to Grant’s best friend and ex-fiancÇ Andy, played by Sophie Monk, who tries to break up her “Best Friends Wedding” (last one I promise). Andy succeeds in breaking up the wedding, but their true love for each other “shockingly” brings them together at the end.
This movie was everything I expected and more, which was definitely not a good thing.
It was the worst one hour and 25 minutes I’ve ever had to sit through. I was ready to go within the first 15 minutes.
It was just one bad “fart joke” after another.
There were a few scenes that literally made me gag; I had to look away to keep all bodily functions in, like Julia popping an enormous zit on her face, or Frank Jones, played by Eddie Griffin, and Bernie Funkyerdoder, played by Fred Willard, playing basketball and a chunk of Bernie’s chest hair gets caught in Frank’s teeth (ala “Along Came Polly”).
And they show a two-minute scene of the family cat pooping in a toilet.
The laughs were cheap, and the jokes were crude.
I don’t think that this was just the worst movie ever, I think it was just the worst thing ever.