After the death of her son in 1996, Cleotilde Gaxiola, 56, was overcome with emotion.
“I felt sad, and I wanted to find the answer. You know, ‘why me, why my son?’ And I got really sick, really ill, and I lost my memory and I was in the hospital,” said Gaxiola. “I lost everything; my house, my husband, we got divorced. Married for 25 years and after that my husband left.
“If not for the combination of my faith in God, school and my family I would not be talking with you, because it’s really hard.” Her losses were triggered by the killing of her son, Eddie Hernandez, on March 27, 1996. Since then she has focused her life on speaking to others in hopes that they will avoid a life of violence and drugs the way he did.
“I’ve been going to junior highs, to elementary schools to colleges to all the places to talk with the students to tell them it’s a better way to do things. Violence is not the answer to anything,” said Gaxiola, a student at Bakersfield College. Gaxiola does this to honor her son who was focused on using education as a tool to avoid a life of criminal activity before his death.
At the age of 16, and on track to graduate from high school, he was killed in a random act of violence 15 years ago.
“On March 27, this person came to the house and killed my son. I was at home. The whole family was there. I was playing with my daughter before we go to bed and he came to the house, because he was doing drugs and alcohol and he wanted to rob so he could buy drugs,” said Gaxiola. “He thought nobody was home because it was after 11. He knocked on the door and we didn’t open the door so he went to the back, knocked on the backdoor.
“My son opened the door and he killed my son,” said Gaxiola.While her son’s killer has been found, Gaxiola doesn’t find comfort because of it. “He is incarcerated for 25 years to life, but I’m not going to have my son back because he’s in jail,” said Gaxiola.
After the death of her son, Gaxiola’s husband left her. “When everything was fine, he was there but when a tragedy was coming he left me,” said Gaxiola. “I felt like when I needed him the most was when he left me.”
After the separation she had to “do everything” for daughters, Lisa, 25, and Sandra Hernandez, 24, and because of them she was able to heal. “I didn’t want to live anymore but I had to stay here to take care of my girls.
I had to keep dealing with life to take care of my girls. In the beginning they didn’t want to live anymore either,” said Gaxiola.
“It was so hard for me [to explain to them] for years and years they had to go to school and forget about the past. It was not easy.” Since then her daughters have started families of their own and Gaxiola has become a grandmother.
“I feel really happy because I’m going to have more family coming. They’re not going to replace my son but they bring me a lot of happiness.” Gaxiola currently attends BC to help achieve her goal of becoming an alcohol and drug counselor.
A BC student off and on since 1996, Gaxiola said she finds college helpful. “Being at BC [with] the students and the professors are helping me a lot with everything. Bakersfield College for me is like my family right now,” said Gaxiola.
One of her instructors, English professor Elizabeth Rodacker, said, “It’s amazing. She is actually one of my heroes because she’s been through so much. So many challenges, so much suffering and she still is very positive.
“She will very often say life is good on her e-mails or calls to me. She is someone who will not give up.” Her positive attitude extends not only to school. Gaxiola has remarried since her divorce. “I’m starting a new life right now,” said Gaxiola.
“I’m converting all my negative things into positive things. If I can touch one life of any student, if I can make them change the way they’re thinking then my son’s life was not in vain.”