September is coming to an end, and you know what that means? No I’m not talking about Halloween. I’m talking about the Kern County Fair. Every year in late September the Kern County Fairgrounds are flooded with thousands of people from all over Bakersfield. Everyone in Bakersfield wants to be in on the fun of the fair, but when it comes to some of things at the fair, some of us are a little apprehensive.

I’m talking about the people like me, the fellow big guys of Bakersfield. I know you all want to or have at least thought about attending this years fair, so I took it upon myself to try out a few things and give you guys a guide to the fair. The big guys guide to the fair.

First when attending the fair, make sure you wear something comfortable. I understand some of us are only going to scope out potential dates or you’re actually on a date, but stray away from tight shirts and pants, flip flops, anything that is thick or hugs your body. Mainly because it’s hot at the fairgrounds, and you’re going to be walking around a fair amount, so don’t wear things that will make your time there uncomfortable.

The perfect fair outfit should include sneakers/running shoes, shorts or a light pair of pants, nothing to tight or thick. A light short sleeve shirt so that you can feel the breezes as they come.

Now that we got that covered, let’s move onto the actual fair. One of the most talked about things when it comes to the fair is the food. The fair has all kinds of food varying from strawberry and whip cream topped funnel cakes to lamb gyros. They even have a La Villa section where they serve many different Mexican dishes.

With all these different food choices you’re probably a little confused on what to choose, so I did that for you! The first thing I tried was JP’s Cinnamon Rolls from Pismo Beach. It’s in the first showroom to the right of the fair entrance. Walk to the back of it and you’ll see it. It was great! I suggest getting the cinnamon roll topped with cream cheese and nuts. It’s great especially if you like tasting sweet and salty things together.

I was told that you couldn’t go to the fair without trying a funnel cake so that’s what I went to next. The best funnel cake is definitely the strawberry whipped cream topped one. It’s light and sweet. You don’t want to be eating anything too heavy as you’re walking around, and this is the perfect thing to share if you are on a date too.

Personally two of the strangest things I tried were the fried Oreos and snickers. I was a little reluctant to try it, but I did it. The snickers weren’t so good to me personally. It was just too sweet, and there was just way too much chocolate. So be aware of that. The fried Oreos weren’t bad. I got it without the chocolate drizzle, and it tasted kind of good. The outside was hard and the inside was warm and soft. Really good contrast!

The other food that you should definitely try is the flavored popcorn. It’s next to the gyro place, and across from where most of the food spots are. They have so many different flavors such as: kettle, green apple, grape, orange pineapple, buffalo, jalapeño, etc. I snapped all of them. Most were good, but some were awful. I ended up buying the orange pineapple and the green apple at the end of the day.

Now that I’ve talked about the food let’s get to the part of most you are thinking about. The rides. When I was on my way to the fair the rides were the main thing I was thinking about. Was I going to fit? Oh I hope I fit? Those were the main questions that kept floating around my head because as a big guy, let’s face it, one size fits all doesn’t really apply.

The first ride attempt I made was on Vertigo. It’s a swing ride. It’s one of the first rides you see when walking into the carnival section. I was a little scared getting on the ride, and nervous that I wouldn’t end up fitting. Then the person who ran the ride came and buckled my seat belt, and when I heard it snapped it was game time! One ride down, and a lot more to go. I rode the ride and it was a good time. It swings you around in circles. It does have a weight limit of 340 lbs so be aware.

Then I decided to try this ride called Zombie. Don’t do it. Don’t go on it. I was mistaken that ride is not for adults it’s definitely for children or middle schoolers. If you are over 5’8 don’t even try to get on this ride I did, and trust me it was a mistake. You will fit though just suck your head. It takes you on a short ride where very terrible zombie dummy’s pop out, and attempt to startle you. It’s hot in there, and it’s quite small. After that I needed something to redeem myself, so I went on this ride called Gravitron.

Note this is a spinning ride, and all you have to do is walk in and lay back and let the ride do its thing. It spins you around and you feel like you’re upside down. Don’t go on this if you just got done eating. You’ll more than likely throw up, but overall it was a fun ride. The bumper cars were also pretty fun as was the Big Top. Both safe rides for big guys.

Now don’t even try going on Pole Position, Inversion, or the ride where it spins your upside down in the tiny container. Those aren’t for you, and please save yourself from the awkward not fitting in the ride situation. Let your friends or whomever you’re with enjoy the rides you can’t, and go play some fair games. Go win that special someone a prize, and that should guarantee you that ride on the Ferris Wheel at the end of the night.