My Fellow Americans,

Well the legal, taxpayin’, red white and blue-blooded ones anyway. On Oct. 9 we saw the great Bakersfield Business Conference return to the Cal State Bakersfield soccer fields. All along convention grounds, patriots commenced in the true American way, holding holy capitalistic communion with $6 cups of wine and praising the one true god – Ronald Reagan.

Worship took place in the great impervious tent of Conservitude, which was almost as long as Obama’s term but more comfortable because I didn’t have to worry about paying for anyone’s health insurance if it fell down. I made sure to take a moment and appreciate George Martin for hiring legals that could set it up right.

Inside, the disciples of Reagan gave great testimonies about the wretched liberal tribulation, calling it like they see it and exposing the so-called conservatives who are too afraid to take action because the liberal media has brainwashed them with their politically correct mind-control machine. And I couldn’t prove it, but, the shear God-Reagan infused sermon of the Maverick Sarah Palin was enough to scare them out of that liberal spell and into the ranks of the Tea Party Movement.

As Palin laid out her bridge to somewhere plan, I found it hard to resist the temptation to break out in tongues. How in the presence of such a great and true American Conservative prophet could you not? It’s hard now after hearing her speak so adamantly of the importance of protecting the great and holy document, the Constitution, not to believe that in 2012, Sarah will rescue us from the tyranny of President Barack Hussein Obama, like Reagan led us out of the sissy regime of Carter.

It was a shame that Obama couldn’t have attended. He could have learned something from Mitt Romney, Laura Bush, and Dick Cheney, whom I am sorry to say that I missed because I didn’t want to miss the chance on hearing how to sell war as peace and line your wallet in the process.

It was a truly a great day for Southern San Joaquin conservatives. The convention was a raw declaration of true Americanism, untouched by liberal lies, though I did hear that there were some liberal speakers at the great congregation. I got no reports of liberal propaganda being spewed, thankfully. I guess that they feel the First Amendment isn’t that secure of a shield to hide behind.

Overall, it’s good to see that the Bakersfield Business Conference has returned. All that was missing was Glenn Beck the Baptist whom I would like to see before the crazy bastard hangs himself upside down on a cherry tree. Also, It would have been nice to see Dubya, but herding steer is hard work so I understand he couldn’t make it.

For those of you who were unable to make it on account of financial reasons because of Obama’s ineptitude to provide you a job, you are not forgotten, brother. Just remember to watch your Fox News and burn your New York Times, daily.

Your fellow ‘Merican,

Mateo M. Melero.