Pro

by Jon Nelson

I love the fair.

Every year at the end of summer, I begin foaming at the mouth in anticipation of the Great Kern County Fair.

The main reason I love the fair is the food. At what other place can you eat Mexican food, a giant turkey leg, and a million different things on a stick all in the same day? Like my friend Chad said, “The fair is like the holidays in that you just expect to gain weight around that time of year.”

This year, I hit a personal best and consumed a corndog, an eggroll on a stick, deep-fried Kool-Aid, a barbecue-beef baked potato and a deep-fried Snickers.

I was tempted to get an order of giant onion rings but I was running out of cash and available stomach space.

The deep fried Snickers has been the crown jewel of my fair experience for the last few years because if there’s anything I’m passionate about, it’s dessert. Nothing compares to the first bite of that crispy, doughy outside combined with the liquid gold inside.

Another reason I love the fair is the memories it brings back. Being among the barnyard animals and fair smells sends me into flashbacks from my childhood when I would go every year with my family.

I’m grateful for times I wandered through the landscape exhibit with my Mom and Dad and ate cotton candy on the ride home with my brother.

I look back with love when I recall the time a group of friends and I saw Joan Jett and the Blackhearts at the Budweiser Pavilion. They were so amazing and inspiring that it made me want to pick up a guitar despite my total lack of coordination.

If nostalgia is the rust of memory, then my brain is a corroded Ford Pinto on a lawn in Oildale.

Another reason I’m a die-hard fan of the fair is the people-watching opportunities. As I stroll through the numerous sights and exhibits, I pay special attention to the other attendees.

In my head, I give out prestigious awards like “Best Neck Tattoo” and “Worst Use of a Tube Top.”

By far, my favorite specimens to observe are the drunk people. There’s nothing like watching a guy who’s had too many beers hitting on a woman who’s obviously horrified.

The public displays of intoxication at the fair are phenomenal. I don’t drink anymore and sometimes it’s nice to be reminded of why I made that decision.

A highlight from the People Watching Hall of Fame was last year when my best friend spotted a carnie that looked exactly like my Dad.

It was like looking into a Bizarro World mirror where my father had turned down a job at Vons in order to become a ring toss operator.

Chilling!

The only thing I dislike about the Kern County Fair is the cost. I’m a starving journalism student and don’t have the means to go 12 times.

Con

by Amber T. Troupe

I hate the fair.

I was excited with the hopes that this would be something totally unexpected, but alas my expectations were thrown out the window when I walked through the gates and saw the exact same set-up with new things here and there and some old things missing.

I was unable to enjoy what little was being offered to me because the whole time I was on a hunt for the only reason I even come to the fair each year, which is the deep fried Oreos.

It was as if they knew I was coming and decided to place the stand in the farthest reaches of the fairgrounds, just to get me to walk around this forsaken wasteland they call a fair.

It is always so dusty and has highly-priced food and snacks. Let’s not talk about the time it takes to even get your food and the wrist band is ridiculously expensive to get on those makeshift rides they are peddling.

Don’t get me wrong, the food is delicious (sometimes), but the prices are ridiculous for you to have to wait 30 minutes to enjoy your rare item order.

I was highly upset that I wasted 25 minutes of my valuable fair time waiting for an $8 pastrami sandwich that was not nearly worth it.

It was small and not as tasty as you figured the fair should be, or maybe I just didn’t choose the best pastrami stand.

I understand that it is an event for the community, but then you have to wait in the extremely long lines to order more food or get on a low budget ride and for me this makes a difference.

The board of executives in charge of planning the festivities said that they were changing this year’s theme from the “Best in the West,” which centered on cowboy inspired rides, games and musical concerts to “It’s Magic!”

Well, it was magic all right: magically boring as usual.

There were still the same rides with a few new ones here and there and there still were a lot of booths and games that referenced the Wild West theme, such as the wool riders, which is simply a children’s version of the bull riders hence, the idea of western.

The only interesting attraction outside of the old fair’s usual line up, was the BMX Pro Trick Team, which was pretty exciting and out of the box for the Great Kern County Fair.

The Bakersfield Live Laser Tag shootout was a major plus, but there were never any people playing it, but you would figure it would have had a bigger turnout there.

If the monster in my stomach that appears but once a year didn’t have such a strong hold on me, I wouldn’t even go to it.

Except for the rather entertaining music arrangement and the inconceivable chance of meeting a celebrity, I would have to say that this overrated and under-engaging event is a waste of time.