For most of my life women have constantly confused me. Although I am female, I was raised around boys so there are some things that I just don’t understand about women, like why we wake up two hours earlier than we have to just to apply makeup and do our hair to impress people that don’t  matter.

It wasn’t until I moved to California from North Carolina two years ago that I began to have female friends, and as I started to hang out with them I noticed women like to engage in something called fat talk. Fat talk is when a girl says  “Oh my god I am so fat”. I think every girl is guilty of doing this.

When I first heard my friend,who is at least a size four, say that she is fat, I was a little insulted because I am obviously bigger than her. If she thought she is fat, then she had to think I’m enormous.

Then I thought she has to be saying this for attention because there is no way a girl her size could possibly think she is overweight. She just liked to hear other people say, “No you’re not, you are so skinny.” Maybe she just needed that reassurance.

My friend and I attended a  Christmas party recently and there were people taking pictures of us and every time my friend looked at a picture of herself she kept finding a new way to insult it. Whether it was about her chubby cheeks, her stomach or stubby fingers. I didn’t know there could be so many things someone could find wrong with theirself. Finally, I had to ask her if she really thought she was fat. Her response was yes.

Then I asked if she thought I was fat and she said no, she thinks I look good how I am. How can a girl who is a size four tell me, a girl who is a size twelve, that I look great but still think she is too fat.

I could relate to my friend in a strange way. I have never had any serious body image issues, but as a teenager I remember constantly comparing myself to the women on television and in magazines. I always wanted to be an actress and these television and magazine images influenced how I thought an ideal body should look. Luckily, early on I realized how delusional I was and I learned to stop comparing myself to other women on television or in real life.

Fat talk becomes the norm and almost a social ritual between friends. Women get so used to it that they don’t realize when they’re doing it anymore. We have heard fat talk everywhere. We hear it from our friends, the females in our family, television and even strangers on the street. I think fat talk reinforces people talking negatively about the female body.

We are too entangled with how the media says we’re supposed to look and fail to realize that we all come in different shapes and sizes and we are all beautiful.

I would be living in a fantasy world if I thought that fat talk is going to end.

It can be seen as a way to bond with friends or express insecurities but it could be harmful to someone who is   struggling with her weight and overhears  thin women say that they are fat.

It can be harmful to young girls who over hear their mother or sister say they’re fat, it can affect how they see them self in the future.