The D-BOX warning label states that hot liquids should not be anywhere near the motion-enabled seats. Nor should pregnant women, the elderly, people with heart conditions and so forth. I am here to tell you nobody should go anywhere near those seats.

Prior to this review I had no idea what the D-BOX was. I was simply told it was an expensive chair featured in certain movie theaters. People who hadn’t tried the D-BOX told me that it could make my movie experience “more realistic.”

I went to Maya Cinemas to test it out. I bought one ticket for “The Cabin In The Woods” thinking it would be an awesome experience.

It was a tacky horror film and a motion-generated chair that acts with scenes and sounds from the movie.

Generally, I thought I would be startled because of the motions and sensors of the D-BOX.

There were about 20 D-BOX seats in the theater and only two were occupied by the time I sat down. That alone should have been the telltale sign.

I spent $18 on a D-BOX ticket, so I tried really hard to like it, but as the movie went on I couldn’t stop thinking about how I wasted that much money on a glorified vibrating chair.

The D-BOX comes with settings on how intense you would like your D-BOX experience. As soon as the movie started, I cranked the settings to the highest wanting the best possible experience.

When somebody would get murdered in the movie, the D-BOX chair sensors would activate it to move in motion with the way the character died. For instance, if somebody got hacked to death, the chair would get pushed back with every hack.

If someone got smashed to death, the chair would vibrate very quickly.

This might sound cool if you’re reading it, but it really isn’t. The price of the D-BOX is the price of two standard movie tickets.

When the movie was over, the two gentlemen sitting in front of me looked just as disgruntled as I did.

I would imagine those vibrating chairs you find in the mall for $1 are just as much as a thrill as the D-BOX.

I highly recommend you don’t try D-BOX. It is expensive, it is crappy and it doesn’t make your movie experience any better. In fact, I would have enjoyed “The Cabin In The Woods” far more if I didn’t try D-BOX.